• Troy Faddis, LMFT

Notice and Change our Conflict Style with our Adult Children


Tracking the Negative Cycle worksheet for parents 1) Process, not content focused - (Starts at 3:40) 2) Seeing the process as the issue not the person as the problem 3) Walking through the worksheet 4)What did you notice about the process for you? This is one example, but things can change. What we are looking for is what pattern seems to emerge? 5) This is the same idea as the Negative Collusive Cycle described in The Anatomy of Peace. Do you Know Your Pattern (Troy's example at 15:55) Stepping out of the cycle (Starts at 29:20) 1)See other vs seeing self … seeing others as people not as objects 2) Increase awareness of the cycle.. Label it with each other. Intentionally choose to break the cycle 3) Advocate for personal needs, be vulnerable: I feel statements 4) Take responsibility for your own responses: I am sorry/make amends 5)Honor the sense (Anatomy of Peace) 6) The Influence Pyramid (Anatomy of Peace) 7) Seen, Safe, Soothe, and Secure: make your relationship a safe place Change the goal - mindfulness - (ie to change the behavior vs changing the process)

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